Those first two weeks after we lost Logan were rough. I couldn’t get out of bed. Colors, lost their vibrance. Light, wasn’t so bright anymore. Life just didn’t make sense anymore.
I had a follow up with my OB at the end of those 2 weeks to make sure I was healing physically and to evaluate how I was healing mentally. Physically, I was cleared for all activity. I was asked if I wanted a short term antidepressant. I didn’t feel like 2 weeks was long enough for me to decide that. I didn’t feel like my grief was unhealthy.
We had hoped to get answers during my follow up. What we got was that all of my labs and placental labs came back normal. Unknown cause of death. Or “natural causes” as Logan’s death certificate says. There is nothing natural about being stillborn, nothing. We were told it was a fluke. But the chances of this happening are very rare, 1 in a million, lightening doesn’t strike in the same place twice, and all that jazz.
But does lightening really not strike the same place twice? This was our 2nd loss after all.